Picture the scene:
I was just getting into bed at about eleven o clock last night when suddenly a scream (not mine) ripped through the tranquility of Lazy Towers.
A mouse has appeared from somewhere and having been scared by the scream is now scarpering down the stairs with me in hot pursuit – eventually chasing it into a corner where it disappeared under the fridge.
Now I know that mice are a pain and one of the things you put up with living in an area where I have a river just outside my house and lots of greenery around us, but all the same this mouse caught me as I was getting into bed – that’s personal : that little git was going down
At first I decided id come on all macho (not a look that suits me well) and kick the boards / fridge door etc to scare it into coming out whereupon I could either catch it or explain to it why it couldn’t be here and send him politely on his way.
I remember weve got some traps somewhere from a while back so browsing the internet discover they like chocolate and peanut butter. Easy – theres always chocolate and peanut butter in the cupboard – off I go.
We have no chocolate or peanut butter. All I can find is chocolate ice cream sauce and a bag of peanuts…
Have to do… *heres the weird thing though – I actually caught myself thinking “hmm - I wonder if this will be chocolate-y enough for him –like I give a sh*t! I just want him out!!*
So traps baited I sit on the worktop to wait for it to come out for the bait at which point ive decided im going to whack it with a book when it pokes its head out
He pokes his head out
He Sees me
He Goes back away
Deciding that perhaps a six foot tall man in batman pajama trousers might be a bit scary I decide to hide on the worktop above the fridge so ive got the Arial advantage and he can’t see me
Except he just wanders up to the traps – casual as you like helps himself to a peanut and runs off again… cue much head scratching. I reload the bait and decide to run a plastic strip from the top of the trap to my hand to mean when he goes back I can set the trap off and catch him
Brilliant – it nearly works as well – literally got his little paw out at the last possible fraction of a second and hes off again
Back to square one
I decide to go back to the book idea.
To lure him further out in the open and get a better shot I begin to litter the floor with freshly baked breadcrumbs – it works and soon enough like a sniper ive got a shot on… except throwing as I do- like a girl, I miss again – only by a cm or two but a miss is a miss.
At this point mousey decides to screw this for a game and stays out of site
Two hours I stand guard until finally Ive had enough, sweep up have a smoke and go to bed. 3.15 is late enough to be mouse hunting
Imagine my delight then to wake up this morning and find the smug little git got too cocky with one of the traps and ended up in it whilst I was sleeping
Good times. Although the chocolate spread had set overnight meaning him and the trap were now one and after a couple of gut wrenching yanks and tearing noises to try get him off ive binned the trap too
For all my tiredness though ive gotta salute the little fella – he was a worthy adversary and as a tribute ive posted the below for him
Over and out
The Captain x